If you had told me at the start of 2022 that I would be where I am today, I’d never have believed you. At the start of every year you always hear people saying this will be my year. I always laughed because surely you should value every year that you have. But do you know what? 2022 has been my year. It’s been the most stressful year I’ve had to date but it has also been the most rewarding. I therefore wanted to dedicate a whole post to it so here is 2022 a year in reflection.

When I 2022 has been my year, I don’t mean its all been smelling of roses. I’m not that naive to have forgotten the difficult times I’ve gone through. At the start of the year, I was in a very dark place mentally. It was like I had given up and shut the world out. On the outside, nobody would have noticed. I made sure of that when I plastered on that fake smile every morning.

Nobody knew what was going on behind closed doors

I remember one particular day when I was start at the kitchen table, cuppa in hand. Thoughts were running through my head and I asked myself could I really see myself living this same life day in, day out? The answer was no. I honestly felt like giving up completely. I just had no fight left in me. Friends would check in daily on messenger, which I will be forever grateful for. Because life is so precious and it breaks my heart to think I’d have thrown it all away.

As well as being in a bad place mentally, I was also in a very toxic and unhealthy relationship. I had friends begging me to leave him, but I just didn’t have the strength to do so. Looking back, I had been mentally abused for the majority of that relationship until I just felt like a robot going through each day. By January, you could guarantee that I’d cried at least once everyday. That I’d also been told how useless I was and how my friends had all deserted me. The truth was they hadn’t. They had been pushed away by this very clever yet toxic man. I say clever because he knew exactly what he was doing. However, he didn’t see my next move coming.

February

By February, I’d had daily phone calls from one of my friends which would last hours. In these calls, they would talk me through options I had and things I needed to do so I could get out. I knew it was time to start putting a plan in place. But I never really got that far. After a massive argument that lasted several days, I said I was leaving. Of course, hateful words were hurled at me but I just didn’t care anymore. Within 8 hours, myself and my belongings had been moved out. I was back living at my parents house, which I can’t say was ever something I thought I would be doing.

February also saw the end of one of my friends relationships. This had also been one that was at times toxic. We became a support system for each other which helped us both in those early stages.

March

By March, I had got myself involved in another relationship. Looking back now, it was way too soon. I’d not healed from all that I had gone through. However I do think that relationship needed to happen in order for me to see clearly what I really wanted. I also started to get out more with my camera. I loved catching all the wildlife photos that I could and started posting them over on my Instagram.

April

April was my birthday month and I was determined to celebrate it. We went to Monkey World in Dorset and I had such a great time. My friend that supported me back in February had continued to do so and we were extremely close friends now. I remember waking up to a video from them wishing me a happy birthday. It really put a smile on my face. April was also my fur baby Trixie’s birthday. We had a full day out centred around all the things she loved. It was around this time that I knew I wanted to relaunch my YouTube channel. I had been made to stop it during the length of my toxic relationship. However I wanted to give it another shot and see if I still had a love for it.

May

May was the start of a very busy time. I was filming, editing and uploading for YouTube by this time. It was also the start of the airshow season for me. Before I knew it, I was in a pattern of charging camera batteries, using cameras, editing photos and videos before starting the process again. May was also the time when my toxic ex decided to resurface in my life. Sending me a email that would be deemed relatively friendly to someone who didn’t know the situation. We had been to the same event, separately and this would just seem like a follow up friendly message. The truth could be seen a mile away to anybody who knew the situation. It was an email digging for information.

June

June was very much the same. I was still in this quite new relationship but the cracks were starting to show for me. There was nothing majorly wrong. However, there were just a couple of things that were red flags to me. I knew something had to change and that at some point soon, we were going to have to have a make or break talk. June was also the month where I first noticed I was stronger. Both mentally and physically. I had a confidence about me that had been missing for so long. For a few months, I had been going to fitness classes alone and making friends with others there. It gave me a real boost of confidence and helped me with my fitness goals too.

July

July was the real turning point for me. The Royal International Air Tattoo was to be the highlight of the year for me. Having not been on for a couple of years due to the pandemic, I couldn’t wait to get there. I was to have a week away in Norfolk with the boyfriend the week before, then we would travel down together for the show.

Norfolk was beautiful and I was really looked after whilst I was there. But it just didn’t feel right. I asked myself if I could see myself living there and whilst the people were great, it just would never have been for me. I’m a homing bird and don’t like to be too far away from my family. 5 or 6 hours just felt like a bit too much. Added to this, there were still the cracks in our relationship that needed sorting out.

Camping at The Royal International Air Tattoo has always been a highlight for me

There is an atmosphere so different to anywhere else I’ve been. Meeting up with friends, making new ones and sharing a love of aviation too. This year it was a hot one. Falling right in the middle of the hottest days on record. I can’t imagine there was a single person who didn’t suffer from some form of sunburn or heat stroke. But that was the least of my worries.

My toxic ex returned to my inbox, this time with the most hateful messages. Every morning, I’d wake up to more abuse. Considering we were there for 7 full days, I wanted to leave by day 2. I did persevere and tried to make the best of it. But it was really getting to me. It was also getting to my relationship too. I was told to just ignore it by the boyfriend but it was easier said than done. By day 4, one particular email in which it said inappropriate photos of me were being shared around the campsite, made me snap.

Enough was enough and I got in contact with the police that morning

After returning home from the show, I had to make a statement and answer lots of questions. It was then decided that the police would issue a warning and that it would be passed onto a domestic abuse charity to take it further. This is something that I would never have had the strength to do previously. However, I knew nothing would change until I did something about it.

Whether it was the stress of this situation or because the cracks were already showing but I decided that I couldn’t carry on with the relationship I was in. It just didn’t feel right anymore and I knew I had to trust my gut. It was a difficult time and I know I caused a lot of upset which I am truly sorry about. However, it was the first time I had really put myself first.

August

By the middle of August, I had filed all my evidence with the domestic abuse charity. They had decided that it should be taken further and with my permission, we applied to take it to court. Throughout all of this time, my family and friends supported me more than I ever knew was possible. It was around this time that I started to notice that my feelings for one of my friends was a lot stronger. After speaking to him about it, we decided that maybe we could work as more than just friends. It was definitely a risk but one we both wanted to take.

September

September started with the most amazing weekend away in Bournemouth. My new relationship was going from strength to strength and we spend a blissful few days just enjoying each others company. I also had my freedom day arrive. This was the day that I felt I could finally move on with my life. The court case had been finalised and I’d had my paperwork through. Now I could celebrate. And celebrate I did!

October & November

October and November flew by in a happy bubble. I’d work during the week and then spend the weekends with my boyfriend. I loved it and very much felt like I’d got the balance right. I had also started to notice changes in my body from all the hard work I’d be doing at various fitness classes. It definitely spurred me on to keep up with the classes. I might not be exactly where I I was to be in terms of my body and fitness goals, but I know I’m on the right track.

December

Before I knew it, December had arrived. What a busy month I’ve had. My blog unfortunately took a bit of a backseat whilst I concentrated on vlogmas. My YouTube channel just grew and I love that I was able to complete the challenge I’d set myself. Now here I am sat looking back on what has been a huge rollercoaster of a year. And the best bit? I survived, still smiling and very happy.

Things I learnt this year:

• I am so much stronger than I ever thought possible
• Trust your gut
• Not everyone has your best interests at heart, even when they say they do
• Things happen for a reason
• Love can happen when you least expect it
• Never settle for less
• What is really important in life

That brings me to the end of this post. I hope you have enjoyed reading 2022 a year in reflection. As a side note, I will also be talking more about 2022 over on my YouTube channel. Make sure you’re subscribed so you don’t miss out. I would like to finish by wishing you all a very happy and healthy new year.

Other posts you might enjoy:

10 Things 2022 Has Taught Me So Far

Why it’s ok to start again in life

It’s time for a little update