This wasn’t a post that I ever planned to write, but sometimes, as a blogger, you just get the urge to put your thoughts out there, to share your experiences and reflections that have been swirling in your mind. It’s as if a moment of inspiration strikes, and suddenly, the words flow more freely than you ever anticipated, leading you to explore tangents you never thought you’d delve into.

In the vast expanse of the internet, where voices are numerous, there’s something uniquely satisfying about articulating your feelings, whether they be profound or mundane, and inviting others to join you on your journey through the written word.

My nan & my friend

As some of you may be aware, earlier this year, my nan lost her battle with dementia and I lost the woman who had always been by my side. When I say me and nan were close, I mean really close.

For example, I’ve always enjoyed wearing a certain style of clothes, dresses in particular, that have a very 1940s/50s feel to them. I don’t know why, I’ve always been drawn to them; perhaps it’s the elegance and charm that those eras encapsulated that resonate with me. Similarly, these were the style of dresses my nan wore growing up, and so we spent endless hours browsing the shops, our laughter echoing through the aisles as we shared our thoughts on each dress we looked at.

Some of my best memories are of suddenly laughing as we both exclaim how much we love a dress at the same time, our eyes sparkling with delight and nostalgia. Shopping trips with her were never just about finding the perfect outfit; they were also about the stories she would share, weaving tales from her youth that brought each dress to life in ways I could never have imagined. Even now, as I look through my collection of dresses, I can hear her voice, encouraging me to embrace my style and express myself unapologetically, reminding me that clothes are not just fabric but a canvas for memories, love, and the bond we shared.

When it came to books, you guessed it, we both read the same style of books. When I bought a book, one of us would read it first, losing ourselves in its pages, immersed in a world of fiction that transported us far beyond our everyday lives. Once we had both read it, we would then discuss at length what we thought of the book, dissecting characters, unravelling plot twists, and exploring themes that resonated with our own experiences, making those conversations not just discussions about literature, but profound exchanges that deepened our bond and understanding of each other.

My nan knew me so well, sometimes better than I knew myself

She could spot things in me that nobody else could and had an understanding far greater than words. She had an uncanny ability to listen to my silences, to read the emotions that danced across my face, and to understand the unvoiced struggles I faced.

Quite often, parents and grandparents want you to do amazing things and go further than they themselves ever have. They push you toward achievements and accolades, filling your path with expectations and ambitions. Whilst that is a good outlook, the thing I loved most about nan was that all she ever wanted for you was to have a healthy, happy life, full of love.

Nan taught me that success is not merely measured by accomplishments but by the quality of the relationships we cultivate and the joy that we find in everyday moments. In her eyes, the simple act of being content and surrounded by love was the highest achievement of all, and she always made sure to remind me of that invaluable lesson.

A difficult time

This Christmas, things are a little different. Of course, I want to celebrate Nellie’s first Christmas as best as I can because there’s only ever one first. But at the same time, this is the first Christmas without nan and that void is massive.

I thought I was coping quite well with my grief. In a way, I was happy that she is gone. Now at peace with those she loved the most and most importantly, free from dementia. But Christmas is a whole different ball game. Suddenly, I find myself struggling like nan only passed yesterday. I have to skip several songs on my Christmas playlist, that normally I would sing along to because they remind me of nan in some way.

I know I’m not the only one to be grieving this Christmas. I decided that I wanted to help a little by sharing some tips that can help those like myself, that are grieving.

Coping with grief during Christmas can be especially difficult, as the holiday season often brings up memories of loved ones, traditions, and expectations of joy. However, it’s important to acknowledge that grief doesn’t take a holiday, and it’s okay to feel sadness during this time. Here are some tips for managing grief at Christmas:

Acknowledge Your Emotions

• Give yourself permission to feel: It’s okay to be sad, angry, or even numb. Grief is complex and doesn’t follow a set schedule.
• Avoid pressure to be “happy”: Society often expects joy during Christmas, but remember that it’s natural to experience a mix of emotions.

Create New Traditions

• Modify holiday rituals: Consider altering old traditions to make them more manageable. For example, if decorating the tree brings up too much pain, you could opt for a smaller, simpler display.
• Start a new tradition: Doing something different this year, like volunteering or lighting a candle in memory of your loved one, can provide a sense of meaning and control.

Honour Your Loved One

• Memorial activities: You might choose to honour your loved one by doing something they enjoyed, such as baking their favourite recipe or sharing stories about them.
• Memory table: Set up a special place with pictures or mementos that remind you of your loved one.
• Light a candle: Lighting a candle in their memory can be a peaceful way to reflect and honour their life.

Be Gentle with Yourself

• Take breaks: If you feel overwhelmed, step away from festivities and take time for yourself. Rest is crucial for emotional recovery.
• Don’t over-schedule: It’s okay to say no to events or limit your social interactions if they feel too overwhelming.
• Self-care: Focus on taking care of your physical and emotional needs, whether it’s getting extra rest, eating well, or engaging in an activity that brings you comfort.

Reach Out for Support

• Talk to someone: Sharing your feelings with a trusted friend or family member can ease the burden of grief. If you feel comfortable, discussing your loved one’s memory can help process your emotions.
• Grief support groups: If you’re finding it especially difficult, consider joining a grief support group or seeking professional help from a counsellor who specialises in grief.
• Online support: Many online forums and groups offer comfort during the holiday season, allowing you to connect with others experiencing similar grief.

Adjust Expectations

• Take it one moment at a time: Instead of focusing on the whole holiday season, take it day by day or even moment by moment.
• Set realistic goals: If you’re used to large family gatherings or celebrations, it may help to simplify things or scale back on certain activities.

Allow for Joy, Even in Small Moments

• Allow yourself to smile or laugh: It’s okay to experience moments of joy, even if they feel bittersweet. Grief and happiness can coexist.
• Engage in activities you enjoy: Whether it’s watching a favorite holiday movie, listening to music, or enjoying a walk, small pleasures can offer comfort.

Plan for the Future

• Think about next year: It’s helpful to acknowledge that Christmas next year may feel different, and you can plan to handle it in a way that honours both your grief and your healing.

Final Thoughts

Remember, grieving during the holiday season is a deeply personal process, and it’s important to do what feels right for you. The holidays can bring up a wide range of emotions, from sadness to nostalgia, and it’s perfectly normal to experience them all.

Take it slow, be patient with yourself, and recognise that your grief is valid, no matter the time of year. Whether you choose to honour your loved one through a special tradition or prefer to keep things low-key, it’s essential to find what brings you comfort. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who understand your journey, and don’t hesitate to reach out for help when you need it.

I hope you have found these tips useful in how to cope with grief during the Holidays. One thing to remember is that there is no right or wrong way to get through this period; everyone’s path is unique, and it’s okay to take the time you need to heal. Embrace your memories, and allow yourself to feel joy amid the pain, for it is possible to celebrate both sorrow and happiness simultaneously.